Reaching Missing Members
Jim Kilmer
I. Understanding the missing member
1. Major Groups
a. Out of town
b. Shut-ins
c. Address unknown
d. Missing members
2. Possible Reasons
a. Illness
b. Family problems
c. Work problems
d. Lack of friends
e. Hurt feelings
f. Don’t fit in
g. Cliques in the church
h. Immoral living
i. Difficulties or suffering
3. Dropout Track
a. Cluster of anxiety-provoking events
b. Cries for help
c. Anger
d. Changes in behavior
e. Dropout line
f. Waiting Period (6-8 weeks)
g. Reinvestment of time, energy, money elsewhere
4. Types of Dropouts
a. World War II and Silent Generation (born 1920 – 1942) may:
Not understand the Gospel
Be discouraged with their failures
Have experienced hurtful relationships
Have bitter feelings about the way they were treated
Have become ensnared by the world
(Types continued)
b. Baby Boomer and later generations (born after 1943) may:
Have a fair understanding of Righteousness by Faith
Be influenced by humanism or secularism
Have been ensnared by immorality, drugs and worldly living
Base theology on experience and relationships rather than objective truth
Have a humanistic mindset
Place greater emphasis on acceptance than truth
II. Contacting the missing member
1. Remember
a. Difficulties will arise
b. Allow personal concerns
c. Anger is typical
2. Ways to find missing members
a. Pastor’s records
b. Church clerk/secretary records
c. Church members
d. Adventist relatives
e. Bible schools
f. Adventist institutions
g. Announcements
h. Lifestyle evangelism
i. Media interests
j. Door-to-door survey
3. When making the initial contact:
a. Find common ground
b. Show true interest
c. Express genuine concern
d. Consider personal space
e. F O R T, family, occupation, religion, testimony
4. Types of Contact
a. Chance encounter
b. Telephone encounter
c. Formal visit
5. Keys to Successful Visits
a. Ability to listen
b. Be non-defensive
c. Take things slowly (non-anxious presence)
d. Be tactful
e. Show genuine interest and concern
III. Listening Skills
DO NOT:
defend yourself or the pastor or the church
compromise truth or condemn leaders
try to solve problems e.g. “I can’t tell you what to do I only know that I care.”
argue, judge, condemn, or criticize the person you are visiting or anyone else
preach or admonish
lower the standards of the church
leave out a spiritual connection
WHAT TO DO:
Be warm and friendly
Share freely but briefly from your own experience
Exhibit attentive but comfortable eye contact
Remember you have two ears and one mouth
Re-phrase what the person is saying e.g. “you were angry because the academy sent your account to a bill collector”
Agree with problems that are genuine
Be understanding e. g. “I would be hurt if that happened to me.” “Only Jesus understands what you have been through.”
Come close to the heart e.g. “You have been hurt by this”
Give your testimony
Connect spiritually
IV. Connecting Spiritually
1. Experience a daily baptism of the Holy Spirit
2. Claim wisdom to speak a word in season to the one that is weary
3. Let the compassion of the Lord show through your non-verbal communication
4. Share openly about your trials, difficulties, temptations, fears
5. Share the reality of how you have found peace, joy, love and the fruits of the spirit in spite of difficult circumstances
6. Ask how things are going spiritually
7. Express everything in the context of your testimony
“I had a similar experience.”
“I thought I had to be perfect in order to have a knowledge of salvation.”
“After I understood Righteousness by Faith I went through a period of throwing off externals. Now I have come to realize there are dangers on both sides.”
“I have found a joy that I can not explain. It comes from complete surrender to Christ.”
“I have found the fellowship we have in Sabbath School Class to be an oasis in a hectic week.”
8. Use scripture in your testimony.
9. Do not be afraid of giving a wedded witness including your daily walk as well as the assurance of salvation.
10. Have in mind a clear concept of how to share your experience of the assurance of salvation.
SMALL GROUP ACTIVITIES
Understanding
Contacting
Listening
Connecting
Rose graduated from academy in 1957. She was raised in a Seventh-day Adventist home that was outwardly strict and went to church but in her words “the rest of the week there was war”. She was very concerned about doing the right thing in order to be ready for Jesus to come. She remembers Weeks of Prayer that stirred desires to do right, but her failures fostered fears of the last days. She dated a fellow who later became an SDA physician. She stopped attending church when she was about 19. She married a man who died suddenly of cancer when he was in his thirties leaving her with two children to raise. The man she is married to now is known by his neighbors as a good man. They both enjoy golf. Rose has been watching 3ABN and has read a number of Spirit of Prophecy books. She has visited church, but is trying to decide what to do. She does not want to be in bondage like before. She would like her husband to be interested in the church but he would rather stop by the tavern than visit with preachers. She thinks jewelry, a little wine for the tummy, and golf on Sabbath just to be with her husband might be O.K. She wants to be a happy SDA… not one that lives in fear. She has been reading the Bible studies from Amazing Facts and feels the bondage coming again.
Donna graduated from an SDA academy in the 1930’s. She married an SDA and became active in her church. She was a Sabbath School superintendent. Her husband was unfaithful to her several times. She had had enough so filed for divorce. The pastor visited her husband, but did not talk to her. The husband gave his side of the story. The church sent Donna a letter stating that her membership had been dropped. Her son was at an SDA Jr. camp at the time. When he returned he and his mother faced this together. Donna attended the Lutheran church for more than 30 years. She and her new husband had a vacation home spot near George Vandeman and his wife. They were friends. She still holds bitterness against the way she was treated and says she will never be a SDA though her friends and family keep badgering her.
Zach is 65 years old. He stopped attending church many years ago when his son was involved in an accident with the son of a church member. The other boy died. Though no one ever told him this, he felt that the church blamed him for the accident. He did not feel comfortable around church so did not attend. As life went on he became careless about church standards. When visited on Sabbath he is watching TV.
Ken was born in 1945. He attended college to train for the ministry. He had some questions about things he was studying and went to ask his teacher about them. He was told that if he had those questions he should probably not go into the ministry. He was almost ready for graduation, but left college. He became active in sports recreation, managing a club and become proficient in racquetball, wining several tournaments. His wife and children continued to attend church, but his heart was not in it. He noticed the empty lives of the people in the club and tried to minister to them in his own way. His father was a well-known SDA educator, but Ken did not want anyone to use that as leverage to coerce him into coming back to church.
Tami was born in 1970. Her parents were both SDA. When Tami was 12 years old her parents divorced. She could not get along with her step-dad, so when she was 15 she went to live with her own father. He was no longer living as an SDA, but she went to church and attended academy. She met a boy in academy and fell in love. She did not want to experience the heartache her parents went through, so she said she would not marry. She and her boyfriend moved in together. She found a circle of friends that were very caring. They accepted her for who she was. Tami still thought about some of the things she learned in church and academy. She had SDA friends and attended academy reunions. Tami considers herself a Seventh-day Adventist. She thinks she is on good terms with death. It would not bother her. She sees more religion in her boyfriend than she saw in her folks, though he does not make a profession. She is about to have a baby and thinks it would be nice for him or her to have some religious training.